("/)

the balance of life

2011-12-10T00:49:00.001+08:00

i remember a time when life was carefree..
i didn't have to worry about alot of things, including money..

but as my parents age and the thought of starting my own family draws nearer, i realise that life is no longer that simple..

i miss the old us, and more importantly i miss the old me..
when life was a beautiful picture and dreams were wonderful although further..

my thoughts

2011-12-03T01:59:00.000+08:00

for so long i have been reading your posts on your blog, are you reading mine?
i actually hope you do because sometimes there are so many things that i don't know how i can explain to you.

a few days ago when you told me you wanted to go shopping on friday, i was looking forward to it too..
but i forgot to go for my course, which is what resulted in a delay in today's meeting..

when you told me that you would go shopping, i immediately assumed we won't have to go anymore, not because i don't want to, but because i feel that it's a big rush for us..

when i realised you would be late, i really felt that we didn't have much time for shopping anymore, so i was a bit reluctant about it, but you asked me why can't we just go for a walk even if we are not buying anything?

i was actually quite tired today after work my darling, worked hard for this whole week, quite drained and worn out already..

i love you bb, sometimes when i hurt you because of my stress or fatigue i feel very sad but i hope you can know that i didn't mean to, i just have alot of things on my mind that i find it hard to relax..

that's why i took a nap, to let my mind take a break..
that's why i wanted a movie, to let my mind escape for a while..

i am sorry about tonight dear.
love you, good night.

confused.

2011-11-25T00:13:00.000+08:00

what's happening?

why have things suddenly become so difficult?

i'm really confused.

a fresh start and a beginning of a life together

2011-09-26T01:06:00.003+08:00

applied for our hdb again today.

we may not have anything yet, but we have our feelings for each other.

yes we will start anew and leave the unhappiness from before behind.

i love you too.

history

2011-09-23T01:10:00.001+08:00

it's time to let the past go.

being fair to you is being fair to myself.

yes you're right, we cannot change the past, avoiding it doesn't change anything.

it's time to be brave.

life is tough

2011-09-21T00:48:00.002+08:00

surrounded by obstacles, life sometimes renders you helpless.

aims and goals, dreams and ambitions, sometimes are hard to achieve without sacrifice.

forgive me for being extreme, because i hope to succeed.

trust that i am doing this for us, and not for myself.

i will keep myself in check.

lingering uncertainty

2011-09-11T23:12:00.002+08:00

once again, disappointment sets in.

have your fun, because you can't stop me from worrying.

be impatient, because i keep repeating myself.

i just don't want to worry, that's why i repeat myself.

wish i could feel more secure about the future, time to put my plans on hold.

2011-06-26T22:54:00.002+08:00

i have allowed my world to revolve around yours although you can't do the same for me and that leads to our conflicts.

maybe i should go easy on myself, and it will be easier for you too.

and yes, i know i have a drinking problem.

but i love you.

deja vu

2011-06-05T23:57:00.001+08:00

i am seeing history repeat itself right before my eyes.

it's a scary scene to behold.

ripples in the water

2011-05-22T02:57:00.001+08:00

nothing comes easy, treasure what you care for or lose it eventually.

friction smoothens edges, nothing is perfect.

change is inevitable.

2011-04-27T00:00:00.003+08:00

when was the last time i updated?
i can't remember.

it seems like life changes in the most unpredictable way.

i am happy now, i have not been so happy in a long long long time.

welcome back, because you're the love of my life and you complete me.

to dearest peewee

2010-06-03T23:44:00.002+08:00

how're you peewee?
is life up in the air ok for you so far?

recently i find myself thinking more and more about you, i dont know why too, but how come it feels so wrong to just come and go as i wish, even if you're kind enough to let me to.

peewee, i hope you're cheerful and bubbly like you were before you met me
im seriously considering speaking to you about us, about the life that we once had

i hope that when i really do, you will turn me down if you seriously feel that life is better for you now
until then, see ya soon :)

thoughts..

2010-04-04T00:29:00.002+08:00

finally i have secured a job with ocbc as a personal financial consultant.
the time to work hard and aim high has finally come!
i am nervous and excited because this has something i have been waiting for and thought about..

thank you ocbc for giving me this opportunity.

and finally peewee, how're you?
i miss you and there are times when i really feel like having you back beside me.
but i am scared.

will i ever sort out my thoughts?
will i ever be sure of how important you are to me?

i hope you're ok and fine, please take care of yourself.

Happy CNY 2010!!

2010-02-17T01:01:00.003+08:00

hey hey hey!! chinese new year celebrations have flown by and suddenly i will have to be back in office in a few hours time!

well, i guess that means my anti-alcohol campaign will have to resume already!
i really want to stop drinking.. because:

1. i can save a lot of money.
2. i can prevent my face from getting any fatter than it already is.

STOP DRINKING.
because alcohol is a depressant and it gets you nowhere.
use money wisely, because it doesn't come easy.

happy CNY to anyone who has the good fortune to read my blog.
because i seriously don't know anyone who does.

good night and good luck.

changes!

2010-01-26T22:32:00.002+08:00

the time for changes is finally arriving.

25th of january marked the final lesson of my course!
two more individual assignments due on 8th of february and im done with school.
cheers to that!

as promised, once lessons are over, it's time to move on and look for a new job.
have sort of decided that im gonna give UOB a shot so now it's just a little more waiting for my personal bonus to come before i tender. :p

currently going through my second high-key ict.
nothing special, nothing unique BUT there is something that i have to write about.

i have never fired a single round (blanks or live rounds) but today i finally did it.
after going out of course twice for bmt and delaying this "virgin" shot it is now over.

i guess i can say i am a real soldier now, does it feel different?
not really.
but at least in future i won't have to experience such anxiety all over again.

good job terence.
hang in there, because ict will be over in no time and the journey ahead is still filled with obstacles.

when things slow to a crawl..

2009-11-16T00:48:00.002+08:00

time flies.

we're still doing ok, so i'm grateful for that.
sometimes we quarrel and argue, sometimes i feel suffocated.
but it's because i know you love me, i can live with that :)

i'm really trying very hard, it takes time, but i think we're making some progress.
thank you peewee, for loving zongxiang.

mommy is finally going on a trip, she deserves the break.
pity daddy didn't want to go, but it's ok, i'll try to make it up with dinner!

life's good, sometimes we should slow down and appreciate it.
because you only live once.

best wishes

2009-11-02T01:28:00.003+08:00

memories are thoughts of what we had,
time passes without stopping and we should be glad.
good bye now for we may never again meet,
but when we do each other we'll greet.

best wishes and good luck in everything you do.
take care.

inner demons

2009-10-24T20:17:00.002+08:00

tortured by my inner turmoil, the choice of revealing or not.
i have nt been able to bring myself to tell you what happened.

i am so so so sorry, but this issue has been giving me stress..
it is affecting me negatively but yet i cannot talk to you about it.
because i don't want to hurt you.

sorry

2009-10-19T01:04:00.000+08:00

arhghghgh! i am so sorry!
:(

rectification.

2009-10-02T01:07:00.002+08:00

ok, i think i've found some sort of drive to encourage myself to work harder.
although i may not appreciate your management style at times, i can feel how sincere you are, so i am truly grateful. thank you.

buddy bud, you smsed me that night, and i guess that's one step taken by you to salvage our friendship, but im sorry, maybe i just need more time.
when we last quarrelled, i was simply too disillusioned with being your bud.

and finally you!
you have been there for me!
my god, throughout my PMSes, my mood swings, my stress at work.
you have been there, even though you have problems at work yourself.
you have been patient with a difficult bf and i feel your effort.

i doubt you'll see this, because my blog is largely private.
but i hope that although words are unspoken, my actions will tell you that you're appreciated.
i believe in communication, but sometimes words unspoken until the final moment can be alot sweeter.

do you feel me?

work + school = stress

2009-09-24T21:57:00.002+08:00

i'm not doing too well at work.
my delay has caused a major problem, tomorrow i'll have to go and rectify it.

i am demoralised, i am at an all-time low with work.
feels like a lot of people despise me, what should i do?

my exam is next week, i have no confidence at all, i fear the lecturer.
i screwed up my presentation.

give me strength, i am grateful that you are by my side now, thank you so much!
you're more important to me than you know. =)

At the very least...

2009-09-06T05:36:00.000+08:00

...you're sincere, and you're nice to me
thanks for giving me this chance, and risking alot of other things

we will be happy!

Sad.

2009-08-20T23:11:00.000+08:00

I wish i was more capable.
Able to perform better at work.
I'm so suffocated by everything.
Please give me some time to adjust to the changes.
There're just too many.

Why is it when I'm already really trying things still don't work?

Ok!

2009-08-16T23:47:00.000+08:00

everything is now out in the open.
i've finally said what lots of people in office have been waiting for weeks to hear.

miraculously the response was rather positive!
=)
i guess i'm lucky..
now, let's take things slow and see where we go from there.

looking back..

2009-08-13T00:48:00.003+08:00

looking back on alot of stuff, i've come to realise:

the love of my life was not true.
my buddy bud is almost non-existent.
my bff doesn't really take me seriously.

but i'm happy.
because today, i live for myself. and nobody else.
it's great to be selfish.

someone who used to mean alot to me taught me that.
so now i know why i was always upset in the past.

cheers to nobody but me!
=)

note: i've removed my tagboard. pointless.

Being satisfied.

2009-08-03T01:32:00.002+08:00

i think i'm lucky, and i've more of that than alot of others.
i should be contented with being lucky..

sometimes i realise that the simple things in life actually drive me more.
behind the cap that i love, the drinks and the places that i frequent,
i actually crave something simple.

because that is what truly cheers me up!

Marching on the spot.

2009-08-02T03:58:00.000+08:00

dinner at ichiban sushi on saturday night was great!
their cha soba beats sakae sushi's anyday man..
peewee finally had some decent food after being sick for so many days..

haha watched "hangover" after dinner with peewee and ah yap..
wow! the movie is damn spastic but i guess it's good entertainment..
just don't understand how ah yap can watch the same movie back to back..
lol.

anyway!!
those thoughts about taking the next step went to waste, cos i didn't!
i guess i'm just afraid of spoiling what we have now..
but even though i don't say it and you don't know
i am actually extremely happy to see you!
you cheer me up and it's just so refreshing.
thanks!

Steps

2009-07-30T22:14:00.000+08:00

is it time?
i'm sure you feel it too.

what will your response be?
i know now you've given it thought..

should i take another step?
and risk everything?

hmm.

should i?

2009-07-27T00:05:00.002+08:00

it's so refreshing!
i haven't felt this way in a while.
you cheer me up like nothing else, but should i?
hmm.

it's a tough decision and choice, i need to think about it carefully.
but saturday was great!

thank you for the night.

first facial of my life

2009-07-23T23:08:00.002+08:00

went for my first ever facial on tuesday with peewee!
it was great! haha
but we only arrived in time for the facial, didn't realise we could have enjoyed the spa as well!
damn.

anyway the facial itself was quite pleasant, except for the extractions..
haha i hope my complexion will improve now that i'm doing something about it!

tomorrow is friday!
gotta spend wisely, been over spending recently!
=)

lies.

2009-07-15T00:15:00.003+08:00

in the beginning, there was a big lie.
at the end, it ended with another lie.

thank you for the memories.
but i think they were not from a dream, they were from a lie.

if only you weren't selfish enough to hold back details that would have liberated me long before today.
i walked out of it on my own some time ago, and i am now ok.
i thought i was paranoid, and i thought i was suspicious.

looks like i'm not. because but both times i was right.
are you finally convinced of why you always "claim" i don't trust you enough?

you were never worth it.

sorting.

2009-07-14T17:50:00.002+08:00

sorting has begun at work.
hopefully it'll be done.
it's been bugging me for long enough.

and to you:
you shldn't have done what you did last weekend.
we cannot remain platonic anymore.
i'm sorry but i have to distance myself from you.
it's for your own good.

and another you:
should i or should i not?
should i risk?
is it too early?
hmm.
decisions. considerations.

bullshit.

2009-07-10T17:19:00.001+08:00

looking back, it was all crap.
the future lies bright and promising.

life is a game.
time to play it right.

my health

2009-07-08T22:43:00.001+08:00

i have grown increasingly weak.
my constitution is at an ultimate low..
food poisoning strikes me when i least expect it.
i need to improve my health, which is showing on my face.

take care of myself, so that i can take care of pple who need me.
work at it terence.

a wedding, a birthday and a sudden shock.

2009-07-07T13:40:00.002+08:00

firstly,
sherine's wedding is today!!
congratulations sherine! =)
i can't wait to knock off and go to your wedding banquet!

secondly,
happy birthday to you girl,
i just hope you'll be happy even though things weren't what you wanted it to be.
plus you're going home soon so please take care and have fun at home!
=)

and lastly,
i have a freaking fat face.
wtf?
i need to stop the buffet shit, start jogging regularly and lose some bloody weight because my face is become a ball.

wake up terence lee, you need to lose weight.

be strong! be strong!

2009-06-29T21:52:00.001+08:00

sometimes life is tough.
please be strong!

you can do it! i have faith in you.
please take care.

searching.

2009-06-29T00:20:00.002+08:00

i am searching for happiness.
someone i'm not really close to commented that i always seem depressed.

i want to be happy!

and my exam is this friday, good luck to me! =)

The passing of the King of Pop

2009-06-26T10:00:00.002+08:00

Another mega pop star has left us.
Throughout the last decade, he has been plagued by lawsuits, gossip and rumours.

Now that he's gone, all these no longer matter.
Let us remember him for his music and more importantly, his dancing.

Rest In Peace, Michael Jackson.

state of things

2009-06-22T00:49:00.001+08:00

i used to plan.
i planned and planned and planned.

now i plan nothing.

i am tired of the monotonous life that i have been leading.
i think being random once in a while is actually a healthy thing.

good night terence.
it's a new week of work.

the fun continues..

2009-06-19T22:02:00.000+08:00

i'm letting the drinking carry on.
why?

i don't know.
but as long as i'm happy, that's all that matters! =)

戒！

2009-06-15T00:11:00.001+08:00

决定戒酒。
决定戒了醉生梦死的生活。

不为了任何人，只为了钱，为了自己。
将来的路还长，还是有点打算比较好。

睡了。
晚安！

迷路

2009-06-07T16:24:00.001+08:00

原来我在很久以前就走失了。
东看看，西找找。

原来不是在找任何人，
而是想找回自己的理想。

想找回努力和奋斗的原因。

I am sorry puppy

2009-06-04T23:50:00.002+08:00

i guess i have to let you go little puppy.
it's unfair to you and my family because i can't force you into their lives since they are not very receptive.
i hope you find a good home, with good family members who will take great care of you.

good luck, good health and be happy!

goodbye.

the addition of a new family member

2009-06-03T23:00:00.002+08:00

should i or should i not?
sigh, when i saw the puppy i decided that yes! this is what i want.
my sister, who has had a long lasting phobia of dogs, is finally ok!

are we ready to go?
to start a life together?

i feel that we should be given this chance.
please let this work out!
=/

over-drive

2009-05-31T19:22:00.001+08:00

it began suddenly and ended similarly.
well, i guess it's better this way.

someone once told me that if it's not meant to be there's no point trying.
let's just be happy from now on, it's easier for us.

=)

when you look around..

2009-05-28T21:32:00.002+08:00

you realise some things you will never forget.

the best memories lead to the coldest nights.
comparison is inevitable.

yet we look forward, we look to the future.
because everyday marks a new beginning.

it's friday tomorrow, another week has flown past.

Too fast too furious. Happy Birthday!

2009-05-25T01:18:00.002+08:00

slow down!
i didn't expect all these!
but thank you anyway.

happy birthday to me!! =)

improvements

2009-05-20T10:01:00.002+08:00

i never expected that improvements could come that quickly.

effort = results
something that i have always believed in but yet didn't prove accurate in the past.
this time round, things seem better.

had a great time last night!
i know you did too.

let's go prawning again, or should we?
because it is not the activity, but the company that truly matters!

=)

turn of events

2009-05-18T17:39:00.003+08:00

things happened so quickly?
what struck us?

we both sense hesitation.
but at least we have a mutual understanding now.

i will not last long, and you will feel it.
just enjoy what we have now.
because you can try, but who you are does not permit you to give me what i want.

and i will tire.
but before that.. let's be happy!

=)

unsure

2009-05-15T15:09:00.002+08:00

went for prawning again last night.
lots of bugs, kind of boring for me cos i was damn tired.
think i won't do prawning in a long time.

anyway!
oops, didn't mean to hurt you.
but i need to know, take it easy k?
please be more expressive.
it's getting harder to meet up, but let's try.

today's finally friday, no kakis though.
kind of disappointing but that's life.
will scroll through my phonebook in my handphone later.

party on! because the weekend is here!

prawning

2009-05-13T20:56:00.002+08:00

finally had my first taste of prawning @ bishan park on tuesday evening.
i'm not great at it, i'm new.
but it's the company that matters, and yes, i had lots of fun.

the act of prawning, is really in prawning itself.
so what if you catch few or no prawns?
it's the experience that gives you joy.

enjoy!

change of plans

2009-05-12T20:03:00.002+08:00

oops!

culture difference?
is this something that happens with all of your people?

hmm, it's ok, shall listen to the advice of a good friend.
=)

everybody deserves the benefit of the doubt.

plans

2009-05-12T12:54:00.002+08:00

what movie to watch?
where to go?

does it really matter?
because it's the company that counts.

time to have fun again this evening!

what is needed?

2009-05-11T14:05:00.001+08:00

No rush. No hurry.
We're both hesitant.
But it's ok.

Our schedules clash.
Meeting is difficult, but it doesn't hurt to try.

Can't wait for Tuesday evening!

embrace it

2009-05-09T23:49:00.002+08:00

too long, i have forgotten who i truly am.
it's time to embrace this feeling, it feels good. in fact, it feels too good. haha!

finally taking a break from lunar, let's hope dragonfly is not packed tonight.
tough luck though, it's ALWAYS packed.

time to have fun again! =)

should i? or should i not?

2009-05-09T16:15:00.002+08:00

hmm, a little confused.
guess i'm not the only one..
should i aim for progress?

i guess it's better to let nature take its course.
anyway, i'm getting a little bored even though last night was great.

i guess it's what people normally call "overdose". haha.

another late night

2009-05-08T13:39:00.003+08:00

i finally feel myself, seeping back into me.
i am almost back to who i truly am.
welcome back!

had another late night out on a working day.
didn't sleep much again, but well, i guess it's all worth it.
another night of good fun and some nice beer!

i have been extremely happy recently, things have taken such a sudden change.
but well, it's great!

it's friday today, what kind of plans will i have?
i have an extremely strong yearning to go to lunar again.
but too much of something is never good.

chill, because i am happy with the current state of things.
there is no rush!

the right guess

2009-05-07T12:37:00.001+08:00

ha! i was right!
but thanks for the surprise anyway.
although i went to work after having only one hr plus of sleep, i had a great time!

anyway i can't wait to knock off!
it's another exciting evening. haha!

let's rock!

plans brought forward

2009-05-05T21:17:00.001+08:00

looks like i will find out what my surprise is sooner than expected!!
haha let's hope tonight is the night.
bring it on!

excited!

2009-05-03T23:50:00.001+08:00

i am excited!!
haha, i can't wait for my surprise..
i wish the weekend can come quickly man!

drinking

2009-05-02T18:12:00.004+08:00

drinking makes a person feel "emo", and drinking brings on alot of emotions.

going some place new tonight, haha thanks to my good friend!
i wonder if it will be fun though.. hmmm....

that's it!
saturday evening, a great evening, time to have more fun tonight! =)

time will heal all wounds

2009-05-01T21:42:00.000+08:00

i guess i need more time.
let's not rush or hurry too much.
take it easy terence.

you can do this!

out of hand

2009-04-30T17:14:00.006+08:00

things have gotten out of hand, nothing surprising.
the last two times similar things happened and we stopped all contact.
everything that's happening is just a vicious cycle that has been repeating itself.
looks like it's time to implement a cooling down period for me.
i should never have let you come and go, as and when you wanted.
but it's ok, this time, we part for life.
maybe in time we will be friends, but that's all.

i have tried my very best, to be there for you, but no matter how hard i try, it's never enough.
when you are sick, i always take care of you in whatever way i can, but when i was sick, things were different.
when you ask for surprises, i try my best to think and plan, but i've never received any from you even though i asked.
when you have issues related to our relationship you want to talk to me about, i try my best to listen and give in;
when i had issues, you almost always flare up and say that i am asking for too much.
is it really always my fault?

the approach that i have always taken towards you, is to just be nice, to care, to slowly touch you and win your love.
yes, i did win it in the end, at least according to what you tell me.
i always try harder, i give in more.
but just because i give in too much, you climb over my head.
giving in does not relate to being at fault.
maybe what they say is true, giving too much will just result in me being taken for granted.

towards the end of our relationship, you told me nothing, so much so that i was always left guessing.
and that is why i always ask.
i guessed and waited for months, throughout our relationship, whether official or unofficial.
you know you have once hurt me badly when you didn't love me enough, yet now i am hurt again, in a time when you tell me that you love me.

if you truly loved me, why didn't you hold on to our relationship? why was it always me holding on?
because you were clouded by your past bad experience in a previous relationship.
a relationship whereby you truly tried, and tried to hang on, but didn't manage to make it work in the end.

sometimes i really feel that you have let me down, but i know you just think that we have incompatible characters.
maybe you'll never see things the way i do.
or maybe one day you will see the way i see things, but by then, i would have been long gone.

偶遇

2009-04-29T22:34:00.002+08:00

转角巧遇不该爱的人，真巧。
曾经或许这样情况下的相遇能够很甜蜜，但偏偏上天选择让我在这种情况下有了个解释的机会。

今时不同往日，站在错的立场，说出不该说的话。
只会让人觉得别扭和不舒服。
这样怎么能照顾别人？呸！

解释了一番，好多了。
多谢你的时间和耐性。

我会找人陪，这样容易些。
时间能够冲淡所有的一切，希望经过它的洗礼，剩下的真的只是友情和亲情。

我得更努力些，让大家不委屈。
让大家都能开心。

一样的目标

2009-04-25T02:46:00.002+08:00

好！继续练习写华文哈。

感觉上我的病逐渐有了好转的现象，恭喜啊！
今晚出去了一下，终于踏出家门了。这样才有活着的感觉吗！
还好身体的装况有了好转，不会影响到我的周末。
这个周末应该会有点忙，尤其是礼拜六。

希望这个周末凡事都顺顺利利，好好的玩一玩，因为。。。
星期一，我会尝到休息了三天半的后果。
哈哈，也该加油了，不然在这种经济不好的时候，饭碗可能会不保啊！
有工作才有钱。
需要注意一下健康，是时候安排我跑步的时间了。

我们要注意健康多喝水，努力工作。
加油！加油！

this is the way

2009-04-24T01:21:00.002+08:00

谁说要做情人才能照顾你？
哈哈做亲人也同样可以。

但要照顾别人也要照顾自己啊！
病魔别再缠着我啦！

健康也是一种幸福。
我受不了这种每天躺在床上的日子。
真无聊。

把病养好，让身体健康一点，这样才比较可靠些。
虽然现在情况有点不一样，但还真的是彼此依赖了。

好！寻找幸福吧。

依然是朋友，依然是亲人

2009-04-23T00:49:00.002+08:00

应该是白天睡多了。
现在睡不着。

躺在床上，突然想到几句话：

无论在哪一端，我的灵魂都很孤单

爱得太累太寂寞

nv ever betray my trust or hurt me

想想我们这几年似有似无的感情，我应该感谢你让我离开。
就算以上那三句话不关我的事，其实在不同的时间我也深深的了解和感觉到它们的意思。

虽然爱你到了最后，只换回一些回忆，但我还真不后悔。
虽然到了最后几个月，我们的感情似乎已经不在，但起码我以为我们没事。
天生鸡婆的我，对任何事情都有好奇之心，但偏偏遇到了一个不爱我问东问西的你。还真是不巧！
你说的对，我们不适合。

别担心，我只是突然想写一些感想，我不想也不会抱着任何的希望。
没别的，只是因为我这样的人，爱你那样的人，真会爱得太累太寂寞。

reflections

2009-04-22T11:33:00.003+08:00

yes, my throat is once again infected, and normally this means that i have high fever..
so i'm now resting @ home and thinking bout stuff..

just realised some stuff after seeing something, much as i always wanted the best for you in our r/s, and to take good care of you, i guess you were right.
my love gave you too much stress and pressure.

i guess even if i feel that my love is right, it didn't feel comfortable on your side.
it's over now, but sometimes reflecting isn't such a bad thing.

let's just try our best to be great friends, or family..
after so long, it's also great that we both feel a sense of kinship towards each other.
from 4th of april, it's time to have no pressure and be happy!

i told you alot of times, if there's anything or any help you need, tell me.
yes, i am proud to say that laoli is still here for you, not as a bf but i'm still here.

a humid tuesday morning

2009-04-21T08:13:00.004+08:00

update for the weekend:

friday: mohammad sultan and lunar
saturday: liquid gold and dragonfly

to be honest the past weekend was damn fun..
haha drank lots of beer on both nights and i'm eagerly waiting for wilfred to come back from his taiwan trip so that we can go chill again.

and waiting for yvonne to finally be not SO busy. come on!

update on my current status:

woke up feeling feverish, actually ald felt that way last night but it got worse this morning.
think it's the weather.. it's just too damn warm..

recently there have been changes made to personnel handling processes and this has led to a few mistakes, though minor, but avoidable on my part.
think i've been over reliant on certain colleagues to check details for me and it's time i learnt to be more careful.

ps.
let's work hard at our jobs, and drink more water!
because the weather is simply just too sucky, and you're so so thin and not very healthy. =p

the pursuit of happYness

2009-04-07T00:19:00.003+08:00

after a rather long struggle, it's over.
i can't say i'm happy definitely, because if it didn't mean anything to me, why did i persevere?

what i can think now is that, we are both tired.
i think none of us wanted things to be this way, but sometimes when nothing works, then maybe it's time to walk away..

take care of yourself k?
try your best to be happy, because i can see that you've been troubled for quite a while..
after all, we only live once. so make it a happy one.

thank you for the memories.

WHY?!?!

2009-03-30T23:29:00.003+08:00

ARGHGHHFGHGRKUJGKENGV!

WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG?!?!??!?!
WHY WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?!!!??!?!?!?!?!?!

EVEN IF YOU DON'T NEED MY HELP.
MUST YOU KEEP SCOLDING ME!?!?!?
AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN..

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE NICER TO ME?
I MISS THE SWEET GIRL I FELL IN LOVE WITH!!!!!!!!!
WHERE DID YOU GO!?!?!?!?!?!

over-doing things

2009-03-30T17:40:00.003+08:00

sometimes i think i really over-do things, and in more than one aspect.

was thinking that since my diet doesn't include vegetables or fruits,
i should do something to keep my body healthy as a whole..
my answer? detox tea.

went to the toilet over 5 times since i woke up today.
my asshole is damn painful now.

sometimes if things are fine, don't try to anticipate the future and change anything
it will only cause unwanted and unneeded trouble..

i have the flu again, and my head is damn heavy.
why do i always fall sick these days?
what's wrong?
i don't know man, i really don't know anything.

communication

2009-03-27T07:45:00.003+08:00

changed my mind.
if you read this, don't tell me anything please.

it's better this way, i won't ask also, then we will be ok.

finally! and the thing about age.

2009-03-19T22:02:00.003+08:00

finally my presentation is over!
byebye slides! byebye individual paper!
the only thing now is the exam. yes, oh shit.

anyway yesterday my dad told me he felt giddy..
for the first time he is feeling giddy because of stomach pain..
it's a good thing he went for cholesterol and blood pressure tests just recently..

but one thing remains true, my parents are getting old..
time to pay more attention to them and not just work and school.

friday is tomorrow!
it's been a tiring week of school shit, time for a short break..

am i living in a dream? well, at least dreams motivate us.

life

2009-03-18T00:33:00.005+08:00

life is a disease, eventually everyone dies from it.
why then? do humans carry on?
because it is actually not a matter of how you live, but why you live.

STRESS

2009-03-17T00:26:00.002+08:00

stress is, trying to churn out your part for your project in one night.
stress is, trying to finish your individual paper the next day.
stress is, having your presentation just two days after starting to write your part.

how did this happen?
where did the planning that i am so good at go?

too little time, all of us are struggling now.
time is ticking but yet, i can feel my mind does not work as well as before..
omg, is it something that comes with age?
or is it because of the cigarettes and alcohol i have consumed for so many years.

i need my mind back, not this useless thing that takes years to process sentences and statements.
but the mind that could remember everything i revised and regurgitate it effortlessly.

新的开始！

2009-03-15T16:56:00.000+08:00

从新再来的时刻快到了！
我等着你回来。
再一次把你搂在怀里，回味一下当初会爱上你的原因。

2009-03-15T01:17:00.002+08:00

writing.
what i've been good at and loved to do for as many years as i can remember.
words, they have fascinated me from young.

yet, words are not enough to truly express how i feel inside.
and this is because, tonight, on this cool, chilly night, i do not know what to write.

the dilemma of life.
the ironic principles that exist in life.
water retention, is due to dehydration.
when your body feels bloated, drinking more water will rectify the situation.

on the 12th of this month, i finally accomplished what i set out to do.
it wasn't not easy, and i knew it wouldn't be.
but yes, i have done it.

maybe, this was actually unnecessary effort.
i have done a lot, and i have struggled to do even more.
it never seemed enough, but now i finally know why.

it is not a measure of how much effort, but how the effort is applied.
giving what is wanted, no matter how little, will prove more effective.

it is time to apply my perseverance in the correct areas.

writing, is never difficult, when you follow what your heart is feeling.
words, although never a true reflection of feelings and thoughts, can still relate to a certain extent.

it is not about using words that are difficult, but about using the simplest words to convey messages to readers in the most accurate way possible.

i love writing.
and this is what i will do for a living.

Marley & Me

2009-03-12T22:53:00.003+08:00

caught a movie after work..

haven't been this touched in a while..
a movie about how a puppy changes the lives of two people, and further on, their whole family.
one of the children even addresses Marley, the dog, as "brother" in his letter when the dog passes on.
the dog, met with failure at being trained, was never obedient, but was life-changing and shaping for both the guy and the lady.

he was who he was, they gave him their hearts, and he gave his back in return.
touching.

difficulties were everywhere.
yet nobody gave up.

quote: "mend it, don't end it."

for love. i believe i can.

2009-03-08T03:12:00.003+08:00

it's time to stop understanding,
and to really try accepting.

fly high, soar free,
things will change when you come back to me.

unconditional love,
i will watch below while you fly above.

if this is the way you want it to be,
then this is the way you will love me.

new beginning. new focus.

2009-03-06T02:43:00.001+08:00

it is time.
one last bet.
now that that's settled, i need to shift my focus..

to..

work and studies.

work: buck up, be serious. talk less.

studies: project coming up! exams!

let's give this our best shot.
bye for now.