WHY?!?!

ARGHGHHFGHGRKUJGKENGV!

WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG?!?!??!?!
WHY WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?!!!??!?!?!?!?!?!

EVEN IF YOU DON'T NEED MY HELP.
MUST YOU KEEP SCOLDING ME!?!?!?
AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN..

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE NICER TO ME?
I MISS THE SWEET GIRL I FELL IN LOVE WITH!!!!!!!!!
WHERE DID YOU GO!?!?!?!?!?!

over-doing things

sometimes i think i really over-do things, and in more than one aspect.

was thinking that since my diet doesn't include vegetables or fruits,
i should do something to keep my body healthy as a whole..
my answer? detox tea.

went to the toilet over 5 times since i woke up today.
my asshole is damn painful now.

sometimes if things are fine, don't try to anticipate the future and change anything
it will only cause unwanted and unneeded trouble..

i have the flu again, and my head is damn heavy.
why do i always fall sick these days?
what's wrong?
i don't know man, i really don't know anything.

communication

changed my mind.
if you read this, don't tell me anything please.

it's better this way, i won't ask also, then we will be ok.

finally! and the thing about age.

finally my presentation is over!
byebye slides! byebye individual paper!
the only thing now is the exam. yes, oh shit.

anyway yesterday my dad told me he felt giddy..
for the first time he is feeling giddy because of stomach pain..
it's a good thing he went for cholesterol and blood pressure tests just recently..

but one thing remains true, my parents are getting old..
time to pay more attention to them and not just work and school.

friday is tomorrow!
it's been a tiring week of school shit, time for a short break..

am i living in a dream? well, at least dreams motivate us.

life

life is a disease, eventually everyone dies from it.
why then? do humans carry on?
because it is actually not a matter of how you live, but why you live.

STRESS

stress is, trying to churn out your part for your project in one night.
stress is, trying to finish your individual paper the next day.
stress is, having your presentation just two days after starting to write your part.

how did this happen?
where did the planning that i am so good at go?

too little time, all of us are struggling now.
time is ticking but yet, i can feel my mind does not work as well as before..
omg, is it something that comes with age?
or is it because of the cigarettes and alcohol i have consumed for so many years.

i need my mind back, not this useless thing that takes years to process sentences and statements.
but the mind that could remember everything i revised and regurgitate it effortlessly.

新的开始！

从新再来的时刻快到了！
我等着你回来。
再一次把你搂在怀里，回味一下当初会爱上你的原因。

writing.
what i've been good at and loved to do for as many years as i can remember.
words, they have fascinated me from young.

yet, words are not enough to truly express how i feel inside.
and this is because, tonight, on this cool, chilly night, i do not know what to write.

the dilemma of life.
the ironic principles that exist in life.
water retention, is due to dehydration.
when your body feels bloated, drinking more water will rectify the situation.

on the 12th of this month, i finally accomplished what i set out to do.
it wasn't not easy, and i knew it wouldn't be.
but yes, i have done it.

maybe, this was actually unnecessary effort.
i have done a lot, and i have struggled to do even more.
it never seemed enough, but now i finally know why.

it is not a measure of how much effort, but how the effort is applied.
giving what is wanted, no matter how little, will prove more effective.

it is time to apply my perseverance in the correct areas.

writing, is never difficult, when you follow what your heart is feeling.
words, although never a true reflection of feelings and thoughts, can still relate to a certain extent.

it is not about using words that are difficult, but about using the simplest words to convey messages to readers in the most accurate way possible.

i love writing.
and this is what i will do for a living.

Marley & Me

caught a movie after work..

haven't been this touched in a while..
a movie about how a puppy changes the lives of two people, and further on, their whole family.
one of the children even addresses Marley, the dog, as "brother" in his letter when the dog passes on.
the dog, met with failure at being trained, was never obedient, but was life-changing and shaping for both the guy and the lady.

he was who he was, they gave him their hearts, and he gave his back in return.
touching.

difficulties were everywhere.
yet nobody gave up.

quote: "mend it, don't end it."

for love. i believe i can.

it's time to stop understanding,
and to really try accepting.

fly high, soar free,
things will change when you come back to me.

unconditional love,
i will watch below while you fly above.

if this is the way you want it to be,
then this is the way you will love me.

new beginning. new focus.

it is time.
one last bet.
now that that's settled, i need to shift my focus..

to..

work and studies.

work: buck up, be serious. talk less.

studies: project coming up! exams!

let's give this our best shot.
bye for now.