out of hand

things have gotten out of hand, nothing surprising.
the last two times similar things happened and we stopped all contact.
everything that's happening is just a vicious cycle that has been repeating itself.
looks like it's time to implement a cooling down period for me.
i should never have let you come and go, as and when you wanted.
but it's ok, this time, we part for life.
maybe in time we will be friends, but that's all.

i have tried my very best, to be there for you, but no matter how hard i try, it's never enough.
when you are sick, i always take care of you in whatever way i can, but when i was sick, things were different.
when you ask for surprises, i try my best to think and plan, but i've never received any from you even though i asked.
when you have issues related to our relationship you want to talk to me about, i try my best to listen and give in;
when i had issues, you almost always flare up and say that i am asking for too much.
is it really always my fault?

the approach that i have always taken towards you, is to just be nice, to care, to slowly touch you and win your love.
yes, i did win it in the end, at least according to what you tell me.
i always try harder, i give in more.
but just because i give in too much, you climb over my head.
giving in does not relate to being at fault.
maybe what they say is true, giving too much will just result in me being taken for granted.

towards the end of our relationship, you told me nothing, so much so that i was always left guessing.
and that is why i always ask.
i guessed and waited for months, throughout our relationship, whether official or unofficial.
you know you have once hurt me badly when you didn't love me enough, yet now i am hurt again, in a time when you tell me that you love me.

if you truly loved me, why didn't you hold on to our relationship? why was it always me holding on?
because you were clouded by your past bad experience in a previous relationship.
a relationship whereby you truly tried, and tried to hang on, but didn't manage to make it work in the end.

sometimes i really feel that you have let me down, but i know you just think that we have incompatible characters.
maybe you'll never see things the way i do.
or maybe one day you will see the way i see things, but by then, i would have been long gone.

偶遇

转角巧遇不该爱的人，真巧。
曾经或许这样情况下的相遇能够很甜蜜，但偏偏上天选择让我在这种情况下有了个解释的机会。

今时不同往日，站在错的立场，说出不该说的话。
只会让人觉得别扭和不舒服。
这样怎么能照顾别人？呸！

解释了一番，好多了。
多谢你的时间和耐性。

我会找人陪，这样容易些。
时间能够冲淡所有的一切，希望经过它的洗礼，剩下的真的只是友情和亲情。

我得更努力些，让大家不委屈。
让大家都能开心。

一样的目标

好！继续练习写华文哈。

感觉上我的病逐渐有了好转的现象，恭喜啊！
今晚出去了一下，终于踏出家门了。这样才有活着的感觉吗！
还好身体的装况有了好转，不会影响到我的周末。
这个周末应该会有点忙，尤其是礼拜六。

希望这个周末凡事都顺顺利利，好好的玩一玩，因为。。。
星期一，我会尝到休息了三天半的后果。
哈哈，也该加油了，不然在这种经济不好的时候，饭碗可能会不保啊！
有工作才有钱。
需要注意一下健康，是时候安排我跑步的时间了。

我们要注意健康多喝水，努力工作。
加油！加油！

this is the way

谁说要做情人才能照顾你？
哈哈做亲人也同样可以。

但要照顾别人也要照顾自己啊！
病魔别再缠着我啦！

健康也是一种幸福。
我受不了这种每天躺在床上的日子。
真无聊。

把病养好，让身体健康一点，这样才比较可靠些。
虽然现在情况有点不一样，但还真的是彼此依赖了。

好！寻找幸福吧。

依然是朋友，依然是亲人

应该是白天睡多了。
现在睡不着。

躺在床上，突然想到几句话：

无论在哪一端，我的灵魂都很孤单

爱得太累太寂寞

nv ever betray my trust or hurt me

想想我们这几年似有似无的感情，我应该感谢你让我离开。
就算以上那三句话不关我的事，其实在不同的时间我也深深的了解和感觉到它们的意思。

虽然爱你到了最后，只换回一些回忆，但我还真不后悔。
虽然到了最后几个月，我们的感情似乎已经不在，但起码我以为我们没事。
天生鸡婆的我，对任何事情都有好奇之心，但偏偏遇到了一个不爱我问东问西的你。还真是不巧！
你说的对，我们不适合。

别担心，我只是突然想写一些感想，我不想也不会抱着任何的希望。
没别的，只是因为我这样的人，爱你那样的人，真会爱得太累太寂寞。

reflections

yes, my throat is once again infected, and normally this means that i have high fever..
so i'm now resting @ home and thinking bout stuff..

just realised some stuff after seeing something, much as i always wanted the best for you in our r/s, and to take good care of you, i guess you were right.
my love gave you too much stress and pressure.

i guess even if i feel that my love is right, it didn't feel comfortable on your side.
it's over now, but sometimes reflecting isn't such a bad thing.

let's just try our best to be great friends, or family..
after so long, it's also great that we both feel a sense of kinship towards each other.
from 4th of april, it's time to have no pressure and be happy!

i told you alot of times, if there's anything or any help you need, tell me.
yes, i am proud to say that laoli is still here for you, not as a bf but i'm still here.

a humid tuesday morning

update for the weekend:

friday: mohammad sultan and lunar
saturday: liquid gold and dragonfly

to be honest the past weekend was damn fun..
haha drank lots of beer on both nights and i'm eagerly waiting for wilfred to come back from his taiwan trip so that we can go chill again.

and waiting for yvonne to finally be not SO busy. come on!

update on my current status:

woke up feeling feverish, actually ald felt that way last night but it got worse this morning.
think it's the weather.. it's just too damn warm..

recently there have been changes made to personnel handling processes and this has led to a few mistakes, though minor, but avoidable on my part.
think i've been over reliant on certain colleagues to check details for me and it's time i learnt to be more careful.

ps.
let's work hard at our jobs, and drink more water!
because the weather is simply just too sucky, and you're so so thin and not very healthy. =p

the pursuit of happYness

after a rather long struggle, it's over.
i can't say i'm happy definitely, because if it didn't mean anything to me, why did i persevere?

what i can think now is that, we are both tired.
i think none of us wanted things to be this way, but sometimes when nothing works, then maybe it's time to walk away..

take care of yourself k?
try your best to be happy, because i can see that you've been troubled for quite a while..
after all, we only live once. so make it a happy one.

thank you for the memories.